


don't make me a liar (it doesn't matter anymore).

by orphan_account



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Character Study, Gay, Inspired by Richard Siken, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Mentioned Eddie Kaspbrak
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-26
Updated: 2019-12-26
Packaged: 2021-02-25 05:22:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 424
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21970600
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: when richie is thirteen, he says that his worst fear is clowns, even if that's a lie. his true fear is the others finding out. finding out that he's a dirty monster, a werewolf that prays on the weak, that-
Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak & Richie Tozier, Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Comments: 1
Kudos: 14





	don't make me a liar (it doesn't matter anymore).

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this on my phone at 3 am while crying so theres that.

_**“the blond boy in the red swim trunks is holding you underwater because he is trying to kill you, and you deserve it, you do, and you know this,”** _

When Richie Tozier is seven years old, he learns that being ‘gay' is the worst thing you can possibly be.

He is told this by Henry Bowers, a certified ‘shit fart' in young Richie’s mind. He is told this by being thrown into the river underneath the kissing bridge after he was caught staring at Patrick Hockstetter’s bare chest (he wasn’t staring per se, he tried to say before Henry had grabbed the back of his shirt and pushed him over the side of the bridge.)

_**“and you are ready to die in this swimming pool because you wanted to touch his hands and his lips and this means your life is over anyway.”** _

When Richie is eleven, he realizes that normal best friends don’t want to touch their best friends, that their eyes shouldn’t linger on their friends lips, especially if you and your best friend are both boys.

So he pushes it down and convinces himself that he loves women (he peppers it in, makes sure everyone knows that Richie Tozier Is Not Infact, A Flaming Homo!), and decides that joking about Eddie’s mom is the funniest shit ever.

(it becomes a habit, the shitty mom jokes and the looking away, making sure no one saw him staring.)

_**“you’re in eighth grade. You know these things. You know how to ride a dirt bike, and you know how to do long division, and you know that a boy who likes boys is a dead boy,”** _

When Richie is thirteen, he says his worst fear is clowns, even if that’s not what It showed him, even if that’s not his worst fear (his worst, fear is becoming the monster he knows he is, a dirty werewolf that prays on the weak, that-).

_**“unless he keeps his mouth shut,”** _

When Richie is forty, the love of his life dies (he can admit that now, even if it’s only in the silence of his own room).

He still has a tour to do, a tour filled with phony jokes and stolen laughs.

He needs to do the dishes.

He needs to do his laundry, too.

He needs to tell the fan that he slept with last night to not tell the press because _I just need time, you know?_

He needs to do a lot of things right now.

_**“which is exactly what you didn’t do.”** _


End file.
